Suze Smackdown: Suze vs Princess Leia
by Cerasi J
Summary: A little thing I wrote for Ruby Alien's Mediator site!


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Title: Suze Smackdown: Suze vs. Princess Leia

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Author: Cerasi J.

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Rating: PG

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Summary: Who's tougher? Suze or Princess Leia?

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Disclaimer: I don't own Suze, Jesse, or Father D, they belong to Jenny Carroll, I don't own Princess Leia, she belongs to George Lucas.

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Author's Note: I wrote this little piece for Beth's website The Unofficial Mediator Fan Site, (http://www.geocities.com/mediator_fan/index.html), which, I might add, is an awsome site!

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Suze Smackdown: Where our favorite Mediator whoops ass.

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Suze vs. Princess Leia

~*~*~

Girl: "Hi there Mediator fans, welcome to the forth official Suze Smackdown!"

*Cheering*

Girl: "I'm your host of today's Smackdown, Cerasi J.!"

*More cheering, with a few "boos" included*

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Cerasi J.: *Offers the "booers" an obscene gesture and turns to another girl sitting on the right side her* "Today my co-host is my best friend Lauren Rigby!"

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Lauren: *Smiles, waves* "Hi!"

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Third Girl: "Hey! You forgot me!"

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Cerasi J.: *Blinks at the girl sitting on the left side of her* "Oh, yeah… well, everyone, meet our co-co host, the webmaster of this site, Beth!"

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Lauren: "How many hosts do we need for this show?"

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Cerasi J.: *Shrugs*

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Beth: "Well, let's meet tod-…"

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Person: "What about me?"

*All girls turn in the direction of the voice*

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Beth: "Oh… you can sit beside me!"

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Lauren: "No! ME!!"

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Cerasi J.: *Shoves them both out of the commentator's box and pats the seat Lauren just vacated* "You can sit here…"

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Jesse: *Smiles* "Thanks, Mindy." *Sits down beside her*

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Cerasi J.: *Wipes drool from corner of mouth* "Anytime…"

*Lauren and Beth climb back into the box, looking annoyed*

Cerasi J.: *Nerviously* "Uh-huh, let's meet today's contestants!"

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Lauren: "In the left corner we have our reining champion… SUUUUZZZZZEEEE SIIIMMMOOONNN!!!"

*Camera pans to Suze, who is standing in the corner of the ring, wearing jeans and her leather jacket, and is strapping on brass knuckles. Suze looks up, smiles, waves.*

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Jesse: *Lovesick sigh*

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Cerasi J.: *Glares at Jesse* "Oh, come off it. In the right corner we have…" *Looks at cue cards* "Princess Leia?" *Confused*

*Camera pans to Princess Leia who is standing in the right corner of the ring, with the imfamous Danishes attached to the sides of her head. She holds her fists above her head victoriously, loudly proclaiming that she will, "Kick some Imperial ass, you honkies!"*

*Crowd cheers and throws stuffed Chewbacca's into the ring*

Beth: "Um, yeah, okay, whatever."

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Cerasi J./Lauren: O_O

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Jesse: "Uh, let's get started?"

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Beth: "That's my line!"

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Cerasi J.: "No! Mine!"

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Lauren: "No way, it was mine first!"

*All three girls jump each other like a Jerry Springer cat fight*

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Jesse: *Rolls eyes*

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Suze: "HEY!" *Throws a brick in the direction of the box* "Can we start this fight sometime TODAY?"

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Jesse: *Ducks the brick* "SUSANNAH!"

*All three girls stop fighting and dust settles*

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Cerasi J.: *Attempting to brush off what remains of the white tank top she's wearing* "Oh, just start the f***ing fight already!"

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Princess Leia: *Runs across the ring at Suze, screaming some sort of primative warcry*

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Suze: o_O

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Leia: *Goes for Suze's throat* "You tried to steal Han Solo away from me, didn't you, you b***h!"

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Suze: "Whoa!" *Ducks Leia and stands up behind her*

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Beth: "Oh! And Suze is down, no! She's back on her feet! Oh, watch out, Suze! …" *Looks at Lauren and Cerasi* "Why aren't you guys commenting?"

*Lauren and Cerasi tear their eyes away from Jesse*

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Cerasi J.: "Huh? What?"

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Lauren: "Why does Jesse have to be dead? That is totally unfair."

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Cerasi J.: *Turns back to Lauren* "No, you know what's unfair? That he's already taken."

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All three girls: "Awww… =("

*All the girls turn their eyes back to the ring*

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Leia: "You will pay for your crimes, Imperial dog!"

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Suze: *Lands a right hook to Leia's jaw, her brass knuckles send Leia flying across the ring*

*Lauren turns around to the scoreboard and writes: "Suze: 1 Leia: 0"*

*Leia slowly climbs to her feet, her eyes glowing red.*

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Leia: *In a voice sounding like Heather from _Shadowland_* "You… will… pay… for… your… crimes… Imperial… dog…"

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Lauren: "Oh ho! Look at this girls! Leia runs at Suze again, smoke pouring from her ears, Suze ducks, and, YES! Lands a sound punch to Leia's stomach! Oh, what's this? Suze is grabbing Leia's Danishes and is pretending Leia is Maria de Silva!"

*Crown boos at mention of Maria de Silva*

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Jesse: *Cringe*

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Beth/Cerasi J.: *Eat popcorn and watch as Suze slams Leia's face into the floor of the ring.*

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Suze: *Stands and watches Leia twitch on the floor*

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Suze: "Nobody screws with the Union."

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Cerasi J.: (to Lauren) "Mediators are Union?"

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Lauren: *Shrugs*

*Father Dominic steps into the ring and frowns at Suze*

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Father D: "Susannah-… Mediators are not supposed to-…"

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Suze: *Gets pissed* "You want some, old man?!"

*Suze launches herself at Father D, Beth, Cerasi, Lauren and Jesse all stand suddenly*

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Beth: "Suze!! Oh my God, she's not supposed to do that!!"

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Cerasi J.: "I'll stop her!" *Cerasi hurls the brick at Suze, it hits Suze in the head, bounces off her head and hits Father D, knocking them both out.*

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Jesse: *Gapes*

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Cerasi J.: *Nerviously* "Um, that wasn't supposed to happen…"

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Lauren: "Good God! What are we going to tell the police when they find Princess Leia, Suze and Father Dom in a WRESTLING RING???"

*Lauren and Cerasi look around quickly… only to find Beth talking sweetly to Jesse and trying to get him outside with her*

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Lauren: "HEY!!"

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Cerasi J.: "Okay, you're so dead!"

*Lauren and Cerasi jump Beth and Jesse makes a run for it*

~*~*~

*The girls are now watching a screening of Suze Smackdown: Suze vs. Princess Leia*

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Lauren: *Nursing a broken arm* "Well, that didn't make much sense, did it?"

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Cerasi J.: "No… my dose huwrts."

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Lauren: *Rolls eyes* "Oh, shut up, all you complain about anymore is your stupid broken nose."

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Cerasi J.: *Shoots Lauren a dirty look*

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Beth: "Does anyone have any idea where Princess Leia even came from?"

*Lauren and Cerasi shake their heads*

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Suze: "How are we gonna end this Smackdown?"

*All look at each other, shrug*

*All look at Jesse, who is sitting on far side of screening room.*

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Jesse: "Oh God, why me?"

Lauren: *Bounds from her seat, tackling Jesse* "He's mine!!"

*Cerasi, Beth and Suze jump Lauren*

~*~*~

Ending credits, here we go!

Cerasi J. **as:** Herself

Lauren **as:** Herself

Beth **as:** …Herself…

Suze, Jesse, Father D, and Princess Leia as themselves, too!

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Music by: Some weird heavy metal band Cerasi J.'s little brother listens to?

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Cerasi J.'s wardrobe by: J. Crew/Prada/-…

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Suze: "HEY! CERASI STOLE MY WHOLE FALL WARDROBE!"

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Cerasi J.: *Attempts to hide stolen clothes behind her back* "Um-…!"

*Suze jumps Cerasi*


End file.
